Abc Class Week 1

In: Business and Management

Submitted By gblax
Words 2275
Pages 10
Can you look over this 250 word essay? So for Princeton one of the prompts is: Name someone who inspires you, or something like that. It can only be 250 words, so I tried to keep it short. Is it cliche/cheesy?

As an omnipresent force, my Dad symbolizes more than just a man who has brought me into this world. He is instead an emotion or energy that I can feel inside of me always. He is the constant reminder of my duty to uphold the morals of my family, and he is the motivation for accomplishment in my life. Though not with me in the physical sense, his contributions as an emotional force in the sharpening of my character has helped me grow as a confident young man. He is a man I can admire and a man I can wish to be, but more than anything else, he is a man that I can forever know will support me in all my endeavors. As I look forward towards the future I see him as a part of the greater meaning of my life; he will always be another influence in my decisions and a sign that I have chosen the right path. While others may pass through my life, the firm hand with which he guides me will be present always. | | Reply | 10-12-2004, 07:06 AM | #2 | marite Senior MemberJoin Date: Aug 2004Posts: 13,792 | Ilcapo:
The response is far too vague; it does not even mention that your father is dead so that what you think is his inspiration is what you believe he would have told you to do, were he alive; this is unless you have been told specific things about him and are being influenced by what others say about him. I think, however, that you need to provide specific examples of the guidance you have received--whether from him or others speaking in his name. | | Reply |

10-12-2004, 08:04 AM | #3 | achat Senior MemberJoin Date: Aug 2004Location: New JerseyPosts: 1,951 | Instead of : "though not with me in the physical sense", I would have just said…...

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